COLUMN: Welcome to Sooksquatch Crossing

Let me start by saying I don’t particularly care for Tim Hortons coffee to distance myself from any future conflict of interest court cases.

Let me start by saying I don’t particularly care for Tim Hortons coffee to distance myself from any future conflict of interest court cases.

My addiction to the coffee bean leans toward Serious Coffee Africanos, which I manage to keep to between three and eight a week, depending.

I do believe, however, that I have the perfect location for a local Timmy’s, which according to a recent unofficial poll, would be heralded with much delight by the good folks of Sooke.

The ideal location for that famed purveyor of donuts would be our house, once I convince the other 20 odd owners in our strata to sell.

I figure somewhere in the neighbourhood of 600 grand to a million per would have us falling over each other fighting for pens to sign on the solid line.

Our townhouse complex, conveniently located a block off of Sooke Road just seconds from the heart  of downtown Sooke, is surrounded on three sides by huge tracts of land already approved for explosions of residential development.

There’s even been efforts in the past to buy our little plot of paradise by a developer who needed a strip of our property for access. We stymied that after he insulted us with a couple of lowball offers and stormed out of our AGM, threatening to sue the city.

My plan starts with getting the developers together to pony up and purchase our strata, clearing the way for Sasquatch Crossing. That’s a slam dunk as long as you wave enough promise of profit under their noses.

Now, before you wonder what I’ve been smoking or ingesting, the answer is nothing at the moment, thank you, so please read on and let me explain.

There is definitely more than enough room to expand way beyond just a Tim’s into all sorts of schemes once the developers’ cheques have cleared to secure our strategic spot. More than enough for a White Spot at least.

There may be the minor inconvenience of changing the zoning to include commercial, but a quick consultation with Langford Council would iron out those wrinkles in a blink, wink, wink.

A Tim Hortons in Sasquatch Crossing would anchor a carefully crafted selection of tourist traps guaranteed to shake the dollars out of tourists’ pockets and purses without corrupting the roundabout with a collection of discarded Timmy’s cups, lids and wrappers.

We could create local jobs by adding a cultural element through a partnership with our local First Nation to build a Long House showcasing the amazing talent of local artists like Carey Newman.

I did a feature 20 years ago in Monday Magazine on Carey for 50 bucks that led to our decision to move to Sooke, so he owes me big time.

And finally, we could add the bride’s vision of what’s needed most in this little burg; a combination bagel bookstore. Whether that flies or not, it would at least satisfy my curiosity about whether she’s onto something big. Did I mention the Sooksquatch Crossing gift shop where tacky caps, cups and shirts would fly off the shelf?

•••

Rick Stiebel is a Sooke resident and semi-retired journalist.

 

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