RICKTER SCALE: Fearless and fearful predictions for the year ahead

Here's what's in store for the good folks of Sooke, says columnist

My column’s due early because of the holiday deadline, so I decided to seize the moment and postpone shopping for the bride who has everything to share some thoughts on what’s in store for the good folks of Sooke in 2017.

Planners in Sooke scramble to ease the traffic snarls caused by the opening of a Tim Hortons by installing another traffic circle that includes the world’s first drive through window in a roundabout to better serve the doughnut deprived.

Hillary Clinton launches a reality series on the Fox network, “What I Would do if I was President” to mixed reviews. Although her husband Bill makes occasional cameo appearances, Hillary insists on a clause forbidding any video of him anywhere near a pool table.

Christy Clark loses the election after her fake smile freezes during a photo op due to a muscle mishap caused by too much clenching of teeth. Although she tries to soldier on, it all comes apart when Christy’s perma-grin implodes during the televised debate.

After months of dithering by the federal government, savvy entrepreneurs in Sooke open the country’s first Dial A Bud service when they discover a loophole in the 2,000 pages of red tape the Liberals finally propose for the legalization of pot.

Donald Trump threatens to invade Canada after a Rick Mercer tweet ticks him off. The plan unravels when organic hair gel from Mexico sent as a peace offering by Justin Trudeau accidentally sets the Donald’s hair on fire, burning the White House to the ground.

Several sightings of a creature startlingly similar to Sooksquatch lead to a major spike in tourism in Sooke. Unfortunately for local businesses, a nasty protracted legal battle involving lawyers for the District of Sooke, the T’Sou-ke First Nation and the Rickter Scale over copyright infringement scuttles the sudden surge in visitors.

After years of nominations with no results, David Gogo finally wins a Juno, although not for his sensational blues guitar. Gogo wins in the comedy category after judges hear a tape of his hilarious between songs banter recorded during a concert last summer in Sooke.

And finally, in the needless to say category, taxes will go up regardless of who wins the provincial election in May because the government will continue to borrow from Peter, Paul and Paula while robbing even more from the average Joe and Joan.

A heartfelt thank you to the misguided few who take the time to stop me and comment on my column. Please feel free to sing my praise in a letter to the editor because I’m trying to raise my pay rate to something remotely resembling minimum wage as part of my get rich slow scheme for 2017.

May the year ahead and those that follow be filled with good health, peace, love, happiness and a plethora of pleasant surprises for you, your family and friends.

 

 

Just Posted

‘Beauty amongst such tragedy:’ B.C. photographer captures nature’s trifecta

David Luggi’s photo from a beach in Fraser Lake shows Shovel Lake wildfire, Big Dipper and an aurora

Susan Simmons begins a 24-hour swim from Victoria to Port Angeles and back

The MS Athlete and ultra-marathon swimmer wants to be the first person to make the journey

Vancouver Island woman to attempt historic swim across Juan de Fuca Strait today

Ultra-marathon swimmer Susan Simmons to attempt to swim from Victoria to Port Angeles and back

PHOTOS: Tour de Victoria takes off

1,800 cyclists took off in the Ryder Hesjedal’s Tour de Victoria for a city-wide loop

Crash snarles traffic on Highway 17

Traffic southbound is seriously delayed and northbound down to one lane on… Continue reading

‘We will not forget:’ Thousands attend funeral fallen Fredericton officers

Hundreds of officials marched in the parade, which included massed band, several police motorcycles

Five things to do in Greater Victoria this weekend

Puppy yoga, horses, cars, water guns and more make up this weekend’s list of events to see

Lions give up late TD in 24-23 loss to Argos

B.C. falls to 3-5, fumbling away last-minute chance in Toronto

Eagle tree cut down legally a 1st for B.C. city

Planned eagle preserve ‘a first for City of Surrey’

Smoky skies like a disappearing act for sights, monuments around B.C.

Haze expected to last the next several days, Environment Canada said

Canadians react to death of former UN secretary-general Kofi Annan at age 80

Nobel Peace Prize-winning former UN leader died early Saturday following a short illness

44 drownings so far this year in B.C.

Lifesaving Society urging caution to prevent deaths while on lakes, oceans and in pools

Most Read